To all my fans, all zero of you (thank God), I know it’s been a while since I put up a blog post. I’m working on one — actually, it’s a three part series called Coming To America that will be trifurcated as follows:
Coming To America — The Melting Pot
Coming To America? — Blowback and The Reckoning
Coming To America — Musical Hogs
The reason I haven’t put one up sooner is because Q. Shtik has convinced me to visit Dubai, so I’ve spent the last two weeks there consulting on the proposed Mall of the World project. There promises to be plenty of bidets and now Q. Shtik no longer has to contend with the unbearable heat. Perhaps he can now retire there since it was the only thing he didn’t like about it.
While I was in Dubai, I searched high and low for a worthwhile swimsuit but as you know they just don’t make them like they used to. The trunks these days extend to the knee or below and are rather loose and baggy creating too much drag if you really want to swim and don’t allow you to show off your marvelous legs. What happened to fashion? Remember the good old days when they made swimsuits and shorts so small and well-cut your massive dick hung out the bottom of them, or in the least, everyone could see the protruding bulge of your prodigious member and all the girls would come running and line up for a good time? Remember those days? Whatever happened?
I finally gave up and bought the current style. They’re not too bad after you give them a chance. I’ve cottoned to them and actually think I look kind of buff in them, but I have to say, I got a disturbing suggestion during my search. Another old-timer suggested I check out some of the secondhand shops for some used swim trunks — he mentioned he had found one of those old-fashioned suits that way. What? A used bathing suit? I thought he was nuts. Who the hell buys a used swimsuit? What a disgusting notion. Another man had his ass and dick in that swimsuit for years and now your dick is touching the same material. I didn’t think this guy was gay before he told me this but I sure as hell know he is now. Think of all the excretions and secretions that material has absorbed all those years. It’s the stuff of nightmares. I hope the guy wears a rubber under that bathing suit — he better unless he wants a bad case of the crabs or some other STD.
I mean, what will they think of next, used diapers? Get real, people. Used bathing suits are anathema. It’s a sacrilege. It’s one of the things I will not donate to Goodwill — instead, when I’m done with a bathing suit, I throw it away in the garbage where it belongs or stow it away in storage in case it comes back in style.
Alright, with that out of the way, I will most likely have the first installment of Coming To America up tomorrow. Thanks for letting me vent, and remember, lie well and live long my friends.
Oh yeah, before I forget, is it just me or is this World Cup nonsense blown all out of proportion? Even b at Moon of Alabama blog put this post up about it since Germany will be in the final. I couldn’t resist a comment, so I deposited the following about the spectacle. Keep in mind, I really don’t care either way, but since I can argue almost any point, I thought I would argue this today.
The World Cup, and soccer in general since it’s an international sport, promotes Nationalism and all the nasty bed bugs that come with it — like bigotry and jingoism. I haven’t paid attention to it at all, although Google‘s search page keeps reminding me with its cute soccer configurations. Very artistic, but not biting Google. Meanwhile, as the world watches developmentally arrested men run around a field chasing and kicking a ball, there’s the carnage that no one seems capable of curtailing or preventing. Funny that. Priorities. Lennon should have had that as a lyric in his famous song Imagine.
Imagine there’s no soccer
And no more soccer fans
A world without wins or losses
No more games of chance
You may say I’m a spoil sport
I know I’m the only one
I don’t expect anyone’ll listen
They’re having too much fun
As they play the carnage continues
The butter’s passed for bullets and guns
Destabilization spreads like smallpox
Millions of refugees on the run
Germany’s one step away now
From ascending to the throne
Hitler’s spirit cheers from the ether
Mother Earth can only groan